Russia
Joined on 2/24/05
*sings to tune of 'Happy and You Know It'"
If you think you might be gay then your gay!
If you think you might be gay then your gay!
If you think you might be gay
Dream of boning Nick Lachey
If you think you might be gay then your gay!
And you my dear friend are definitely gay!
Hahahahaha!
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island. One of them finds a lamp, gives it a rub, and a genie comes out. So, the genie is all like "Hey, I can give you 3 wishes, but there's 3 of you, so one wish each."
The first blonde says "I wish I was smart!" So the genie does his magic, and the blonde's hair turns brown. So then she builds a raft and floats away from the island.
Second blonde goes "I wish I was smart, even smarter than that last girl." So, the genie does his magic, and the blonde's hair goes black. So she builds a yacht and sails away.
Third blonde says "I wish I was even smarter than them put together." So the genie turns her into man, and the man walks across the bridge.
That's what I like to see.. A nice, big, smile..
Seen that joke before hammer, cept it was like this:
Three men need to cross a river. While they are thinking of a way to get across a magic fairy appears before them. She says shell grant each one a wish.
The first man wishes for the strength to cross the river. The muscles in his legs and arms grow and he swims across the river.
The second man wishes for the tools to cross the river. A boat appears before him and he uses it to sail across the river.
The final man wishes for the intellegence to cross the river. The fairy turns him into a woman and walks across the bridge.
stupid fairy. Also it would be cooler if the first two men came back for the woman and she killed them and took a boat!
Train.
I think Flee's one is the best..
Hammer's version is way better.
What do you call an emo in a bottle?
Wine!
emo embrion
nice you got the killing joke picture
best issue of it's kind
A cool guy walks into a cool bar. He went to the cool hospital.
Life is funny
...Ha ha
A guy walks into a bar....
...ouch
Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
Because he didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate :D
For the blondies ;D...
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!
Another one :D
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Enough with Blondies, Its Mother-in-Law Time!
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
More MIL (FYI Mother in law):
-What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL?
Sir, we were able to save her!
-What is the ideal weight for a MIL?
About 2.3lbs, including the urn.
-What do you do if you miss your MIL??
RELOAD, AND TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!
-Two men were in a pub. One says to his mate, "My MIL is an angel." His friend replies, "You're lucky. Mine is still alive."
-What should you do if you see your Mother-In-Law rolling around in pain on the ground?
Shoot her again.
-Why do they bury mothers-in-law 18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?
Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.
Yes yes. None of these jokes were made by me, I just look them up on the internet, Don't complain damn it, just enjoy them
sure :)
a clean woman walks into a bar....
she comes out with herpies
Now, For the guys :D
This is an English - Women-ish Dictionary
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to
"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk" = I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house
"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later
This one was fun :)
Codomis
yo moma so fat, she have diabetes